Sr Grace Matsumoto
"Abide in me..."
I was born and raised in a Catholic family, something which is rare in a non-Christian country like Japan. For my secondary education I attended a nearby Catholic school where some of my teachers were Sisters so, as a young girl, it was almost natural for me to dream of becoming a Sister. Since I liked children very much, I just presumed that I would enter an educational religious Congregation.
During senior high school, however, I began to feel the desire to have children of my own. Yet, by the end of my high school years, I still had not completely put aside the idea of becoming a Sister. On the contrary, in the depth of my heart I was still sure that religious life was the way for me. Convinced that I would become a teaching Sister, I chose to study education at university in order to prepare myself.
At university it happened that I felt strongly attracted to a fellow student. I had to face my interior dilemma: To love is not sinful and if I was called to live married life, I would cultivate the love I felt. So why then did my attraction leave me suffering such feelings of guilt? Might I be about to say “No” to an invitation from God?… The more I brooded over this problem, the stronger the attraction to my friend became. So I prayed fervently, weeping, “Lord, enlighten me. If you want me to become a Sister, please tell me plainly and help me choose You. Since my real desire is to say “Yes” to Your will, Your call. But if you want me to marry, please don’t submit me to such anguish!”
The answer didn’t come at once. Waiting for it, I endeavoured not to give my heart too much freedom. But it was not an easy task because I loved my friend very much. Why was God's answer so slow in coming?
One day during my fourth year at university, I was in a local department store when I unexpectedly stumbled upon the “St. Paul Corner”, a little book store run by the Daughters of St Paul. I picked up a book and realised that it was a directory of all the religious Congregations in Japan. I was skimming through it at random when the Sister came up to me and asked if I was interested in religious life. She invited me to join a retreat for girls that the Sisters were planning.
I went to the retreat. During his talks the priest who was directing the retreat told us that he had become a priest thanks to the prayers of his mother and one of his sisters. And he said, “The prayers of women are powerful, indeed!” I was utterly struck by these words and suddenly realised: Ah, I am called to a life centred on prayer! At that time, my oldest brother was already in the seminary and I desired very intensely that he should become a priest. So in that moment I felt in my heart that if I wanted him to become a priest, I had to become a Sister. Reading my story, you might even think that I have been led by a very personal motivation. But really, it was Our Lord's way of telling me that He wanted religious life for me. From that day onwards all my uncertainties disappeared. The Lord helped me to let go of the feelings I still had for my friend.
Just before graduating from university I attended another retreat organised by the Daughters of St Paul. As part of the retreat, the Sisters showed us a film about their life and ministry that touched me deeply, and I began to understand the special mission entrusted to this congregation. The Daughters of St Paul are called to use the most powerful means of communication provided by modern technology to proclaim the Word of God. What a modern apostolate they had! And that was not all. Even though these sisters were intensely committed to their apostolic activities yet, at the same time, they lived a deep life of prayer. And they were full of life and joy! I was deeply impressed. A strong desire to become one of them began to take root within me.
By that time, however, a teaching position in a Catholic school had been arranged for me and so, driven by my love for children, I worked as a primary school teacher for two years. In those years I had the chance to experience the greatness and the beauty of the teaching mission. My students were fond of me; however, my attraction to the life of the Daughters of St Paul did not go away.
When my teacher colleagues and even the parents of my students found out that I was going to enter a religious congregation which did not have a teaching mission, they were very surprised and kept asking me, “Why?…” “Is it not a waste?…” Then my only answer was: “The thoughts of God are not like the thoughts of human beings.”
And truly, God's thoughts really are not like my thoughts!
Since I joined the Daughters of St Paul, God has given me many surprises. I hope to continue to say “Yes” to God's invitations and to trust in His words. Especially in challenging times, the words spoken by the Lord to St Paul give me strength and courage: My grace is enough for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9) ❦